Doctor In The Air

Maria Arpa

Wednesday Whisper

12 September 2018

This week

Doctor In The Air

Plus…

Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness

and

the Wednesday Whisper

Miss the point

So, a female academic took an air steward to task for calling her Miss when her boarding pass clearly said Dr.

Deciding to make the issue public she sent out a tweet to @quantas and while she received over 8000 likes she also received a barrage of hate mail resulting in Twitter having to filter out some of it.

In response Dr O’Dwyer defended herself explaining that she was highlighting one of a thousand instances of sexism that women encounter every day. “It’s not about the title, it’s about the fact that this wouldn’t have happened if I was a man.”

I have been picking away at this for days.

On the one hand, of course she should have taken him and his employer to task and on the other hand can we ever really deal with things properly at the incident level? And, when we do deal with things at the incident level what is the best way to approach it? It seems that for every bit of support Dr O’Dwyer received she also managed to incite hate in others, is that really going to create the change we are looking for in the world?

Quantas responded with a nice, vanilla, corporate statement: “We are extremely proud of our cabin crew who respectfully serve our customers day in and day out and play a vital safety role,” and “Our crew treat all passengers with the utmost respect regardless of age, gender and occupation.”

Then, I think, well I am blogging about it, so she has provoked something in me. What would I have done?

Of course, I look to the DRM for answers but could I really imagine myself empathising with an air steward while a line of anxious people are trying to board a plane and grab overhead locker space? Nah, I tell myself I would have let that one slide in the basis that I don’t want to spend my life ‘educating’ or ‘correcting’ others on the small stuff when there is no time to enter into a real dialogue.

It comes under the heading of ‘picking my battles’.

Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness

How do I pick my battles? Most importantly I don’t let battles pick me. When I choose to challenge someone or something, I have learned that the first place is to look inside myself and figure out what is really important.

The Wednesday Whisper

How do you pick your battles?

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4 Comments

Max Sterling
Posted 6 years ago Reply

Hmmm, I know very little about this case – but what I do see is an unhelpful assumption being made (“this would never have happened if I was a man”. Really? Can that be quantified? I’m convinced it will have happened to many men actually). Also, isn’t it funny that we have lumped all those who disagreed with her interpretation of the incident under the banner of ‘haters’? Yes, I’m sure some of the responses would have been rude, aggressive and disrespectful and could clearly be categorised as ‘hate mail’. But all of them – really? Again, a very unhelpful way to label people who simply have a different opinion, understanding or interpretation. Thank goodness that DRM, restorative practice and non-violent communication can help those in conflict to see the situation differently and benefit from a deeper insight.
- Maria Arpa
  Posted 6 years ago Reply
  
  Thank you for this reply. I like that you noticed how quickly the dissenters were labelled as ‘haters’ and I like the balance you bring to the points made. I have serious reservations about the air steward looking at her boarding pass. It is a huge assumption that he even read or noticed the word Dr and then either consciously or unconsciously switched to Miss. I wonder whether he actually just looked at the flight to ensure she was on the right plane (I know someone who managed to board the wrong plane despite being checked through by 3 different staff members) and her seat number to direct her to the correct aisle. I’m not saying it makes it OK for him to address her incorrectly but I felt uneasy reading that she had made this interpretation.
Rebel
Posted 6 years ago Reply

Your doctor in the air story raises several issues Maria. You call the situation picking your battles – I call it dealing with bad behaviour (as perceived). On balance I am inclined to believe the behaviour was bad or at least unprofessional. Certainly the doctor was not happy and only she was in a position to decide whether or not to tweet – we are talking about her feelings. As to the hate mail she got, that is sadly the way people can behave when they feel they can say what they like without consequences. That brings me to freedom of speech and the internet. Because of the conduct of many – racist, sexist, deeply offensive etc etc – it is only a matter of time before we see internet censorship. I say bring it on. Did the doctor over-react – could she have dealt with it differently – without a tweet – which is pretty much a red rag to a bull when addressing anything mildly controversial? Personally I think it was entirely up to her how she reacted – for all we know she agonised before sending that tweet. If she is faced with the same or a similar position in the future, I hope she wont be put off from tweeting – if after consideration she thinks that is the right way to address her concerns.
- Maria Arpa
  Posted 6 years ago Reply
  
  You make 2 good points. The first is that how to react is her choice and we hope she won’t be put off from taking a stand in the future. The second is the idea of censorship on the internet. You say bring it on, I have a different view. If we want to make comments or express opinions then we need to be prepared to show who we are. So, in much the same way as Airbnb have levels of evidencing like providing government ID and a selfie that then mean hosts can see who they are renting to, I believe that we can air our views providing we are willing to verify exactly who we are. That would take care of a serious amount of hate mail. Now, we would then have to deal with whistleblowers and the ‘safety’ around freedom of speech and how to protect someone who wants to speak out about something (E.G an employer’s illegal practices) but fears for their safety in doing so. Again, I believe there would be legitimate ways to deal with this. Subject for another blog maybe?