If you want peace and harmony, you have to do your bit even if you are in conflict. Here are some top tips to not make it worse:
Keep calm: remember that divorce is a time of change. You need fairness but not everything that happens will be fair and you will not like some strategies or outcomes. Remaining calm will help to create a peaceful space for when the time comes to sort it out.
Care: when things happen that you don’t agree with, be caring about it. It’s likely that more than just you is affected. Be considerate about impact.
Take care of you: think about your own wellbeing. For example, your tolerances will be different if you have slept well. If you have pressures in your life, it will affect your ability to see the world calmly. When you take care of your wellbeing you will make better quality decisions.
Be assertive: you have a right to state your preferred outcome as part of the negotiations. Express yourself clearly and be articulate without aggression.
Respond, don’t react: take time to ensure that you are giving a heartfelt response rather than a knee jerk reaction to any situation. You cannot take back a bad reaction.
Respect: do not gossip, disclose confidential information, manipulate or badmouth during the process. This is not only respectful to others it is an indication of self-respect.
Check your intentions: if your intentions are honourable, you will be credible. If your intentions are to damage or hurt others in order to be right or to exclude someone, you will make things worse.
Anticipate difficulties: if you can sense a problem looming, nip it in the bud. Ask for specific help or offer specific help. Get informed and learn how others handle these situations.
Remain open minded: remember that solutions can be different to how you imagined. Consider all aspects of a proposal before shutting it down.
Keep a space open for healing: remember that nothing is permanent no matter how intense it seems. U turns are made. Apologies can be forthcoming, and a new way may have advantages. Healing happens with the passage of time.