If you want peace and harmony in the family, you have to do your bit even if others are in conflict. Here are some top tips to not make it worse:
Keep calm: remember that the family is a community. To be in community people need fairness. Not everything that happens will be fair and you will not like some strategies or outcomes. Remaining calm will help to create a peaceful space for when the time comes to sort it out.
Care: when things happen that you don’t agree with try to hear everyone’s point of view non judgementally and without giving an opinion or taking a side. Make time later to find out how people are; check in with them. You will be regarded as fair when you do that.
Take care of you: think about your own well being. For example, your tolerances will be different if you have slept well. If you have pressures in your life it will affect your ability to see the world calmly. When you take care of your wellbeing others see you as balanced and centred.
Be assertive: when you feel motivated to act, be assertive. Have the courage to let others know how the situation is affecting the family including yourself. Express yourself clearly and articulately without aggression.
Respond, don’t react: take time to ensure that you are giving a heartfelt response rather than a kneejerk reaction to any situation. Your counsel will be sought when you can be trusted not to react.
Respect: learn what respect means to individuals. Do not take sides, gossip, disclose confidential information or collude with one group to fix things.
Check your intentions: if your intentions are honourable you will be credible. If your intentions are to damage or hurt others in order to be right or to exclude someone from the family, you will court conflict.
Anticipate difficulties: if you can sense a problem looming, nip it in the bud. Communicate your concerns as early as possible in a process. Ask for specific help or offer specific help.
Remain open minded: Remember that the world would be a very boring place if everyone agreed on everything. If you wish to voice an opinion, be sure to balance it with other opinions.
Keep a space open for healing: Remember that nothing is permanent no matter how intense it seems. U turns are made. Apologies can be forthcoming, and harmony can be restored when the past is put firmly in the past. Accept that all families go through conflict, and this may be the best your family can manage right now AND it can change with the passage of time.