Maria Arpa
Aiden was serving a seven year prison sentence. It was not his first time in prison. On many occasions he was verbally abusive to prison staff and would find himself on ‘Basic’. This is a regime where all privileges are removed as punishment for failing to be compliant. He was written off as dangerous and uncooperative.
Through the work of the prison chaplaincy, Aiden found himself on our Dialogue Road Map training which we often take into prisons. In the break, he opened up to us and explained what was going on for him.
He was having difficulty with the mother of his children, Lily, who was refusing to bring the children to see him. Telephone calls (which were difficult and costly to make from prison) were fraught and tense therefore making the problem worse. Lily often put the phone down on him leaving him to stew all night in his cell. Feeling powerless, he would become aggressive and hostile as a way of keeping some power in his life.
We called Lily, who was initially hostile towards our intervention but over several phone calls she explained the issues she was having with Aiden in prison and children to feed. We felt that the Dialogue Road Map could support a conversation between them and, with Aiden, having done the training he was fully able to empathise with Lily’s situation, something he had been incapable of doing before.
The conversation was enough to heal the rift between them. Lily brought the children to see Aiden, and Aiden settled down using his new found skills to help other prisoners.
Names have been changed.
Reflection
Where a conflict manifests is not necessarily the source. Mainstream systems often only attend to the behaviour in the context of where it manifests. If a person has other issues they are unlikely to share them with a person who punishes. The Dialogue Road Map builds trust and safety that helps people to share what is really going on.
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