Maria Arpa
This week
Mind your triggers
Plus…
Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness
and
the Wednesday Whisper
Why bother getting mad when someone behaves how they always behave?
We all know someone who continues to behave ‘badly’. And it goes on and on until the recipient of the behaviour realises that the burden is on them to take an action like divorce. It’s usual for a post-divorce client to complain bitterly about their ex-partner’s behaviour a long time after the marriage has ended and I often find myself saying, “so all the reasons you divorced him or her in the first place are showing up the same as when you were married. Were you expecting something different?” And it’s surprising how many people believe that somehow the shock of severance would give them enough food for thought to change their behaviour. It doesn’t.
Experience tells me it’s apparent that what’s really going on is that we are mad at ourselves. Mad at ourselves for withstanding the behaviour for longer than we ever should. Mad at ourselves for overriding our own feelings. Mad at ourselves for believing that if we complained hard enough the other person would act on the depth of our pain. And, once we have taken that action to sever the relationship, we become mad at ourselves for feeling the immense pain worse than we when we were in it.
So it’s pointless being mad at someone for doing what they have always done. It’s far better to recognise that what you have withstood requires healing and ask yourself what a healing process would look like.
Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness
One part of healing is telling our story in the hope that others will benefit and make better quality choices. I’m working out how and when to tell my story and if it’s a story worth telling.
The Wednesday Whisper
What do you need healing from? How will you get it?
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