Are you struggling with parenting and divorce?

Here are some hard truths about parenting during divorce:

• Speaking face to face is probably the best approach so you can work towards a solution. Remember that they might not be expecting you so their initial reaction may be embarrassment or shock. If you notice the person is taken aback, it might be better just to agree another time to talk about it.

• Mixing child contact and child support is not advisable. Child support is not a weapon. Children need a relationship with both parents unless there is a court mandated child protection issue that prohibits it. Child contact is a separate issue to child support.
• If the situation is hostile, think about drop offs and pickups. Plan for the smoothest transition. Your children are deeply affected by these meetings.
• Even adult children are affected by their parents’ divorce.
• Manipulating your children to prefer you to their other parent is called parental alienation. Family courts can and will step in when a child’s welfare suffers as a result. There’s a presumption that it’s in a child’s best interest to have a positive relationship with both their parents.

Your work:

• Every minute you spend with your children is an opportunity to build a loving, compassionate, and secure relationship with them. Don’t squander it by bad mouthing others.
• Keep a stable home environment as much as is within your power to do so.
• Listen and empathise with their needs. If you are not in a state to do this, try to find a responsible family member they can talk to who will just be loving and compassionate.
• Protect your child from the details of the negotiations.
• Learn about parenting, divorce and change as if you were trying to get a Master’s degree.
• Never argue with your ex in front of the children. These arguments can escalate into police being called.
• Create a safe environment for drop offs and pickups.
• Remember that no feelings are permanent. There will be a time when things settle down.