Maria Arpa
This week
What we teach
Plus…
Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness
and
The Wednesday Whisper
What they learn
I read a social media post about a parent who allowed their child to have a tantrum in the middle of a store. The parent, standing over the child, carried on talking to their accompanying friend while the child ‘screamed it all out’. The post suggested that this was a perfect way to manage the child. By watching without reacting, the parent was allowing the child to express all their emotions while not reacting to the issue. I can see the positives and the negatives of this strategy. It’s not what I would do.
In another parenting special, I read about the merits of reward charts, essentially bribing children to behave. I can’t see any positives in this strategy as it creates a short term gain for the parent while developing a long term problem. Over time, it destroys a child’s innate desire to be kind by training them to expect a reward. And worse, it teaches children that they are only accepted when they behave to a set of standards.
Whatever strategies we choose as parents and grandparents, the most important question is not what we are teaching them, but what are they learning?
Mostly, in mainstream society models of parenting, kids learn that if you are bigger than someone and you hold the power, then you can pretty much call the shots.
Is that what we want them to model when they grow up?
Maria’s Mindfulness Moment
My granddaughter is learning how to navigate her world. She’s learned that she can ask me for anything, and we’ll figure it out together. Without a blunt ‘yes’ or ‘no’, she is gradually learning what a relationship is about.
The Wednesday Whisper
If there are children in your life, what are they learning from the adults around them?
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