Maria Arpa
Perry had had a major falling out with his grown-up stepson, Sebastian. The two were not speaking to each other and refused to be in each other’s presence. Sebastian’s mother Gill (Perry’s wife) was at her wits end. She desperately wanted her son and husband to work out their differences but the more she tried the more intractable they became. So much so that Sebastian refused to attend a special family celebration.
At that point Gill called us. She wanted the two of them to engage with the Dialogue Road Map. We had private one to one sessions with Perry and Sebastian who were both clear they would not meet each other. We decided to see whether they would separately have a joint meeting with Gill and both agreed.
A slow paced journey of several individual conversations built enough trust for there to be a meeting between Perry, Sebastian and Gill. At the second of those meetings we could see potential for a healing process and within a few weeks they made a choice to build trust slowly by attending family meetings and occasions.
After a few months, Perry and Sebastian founded a mutual project much to Gill’s delight.
Names have been changed.
Reflection
Sometimes one party to a conflict does not present themselves up front. It was clear that Gill did not see herself as part of the dispute since she had not fallen out with either of them. What came into focus was that they both saw themselves as protecting Gill’s best interests against the other making it crucial for Gill to be part of the process.
It’s also important to remember that many disputes require a longer process of healing so that change can take place over time.
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